Through a glass, darkly...

There are times in ones life when your heart is at an absolute loss. It's not that you can't find the words to express your feelings - but there are truly no words. If you are in a supporting role during those times, then you know the feeling. Anything that could be said - "I'm so sorry" - "God loves you" - "God is in control" - "It will all be ok" - it all sounds so trite. And then...if you are the one in the middle of that gray field of pain...then you know that smothering, flailing feeling of simply not comprehending how it all got to this point. How did time pass so quickly? Why do things have to change? Why has everything that was once so alive and breathing come to an abrupt halt? It is in those moments - when we are face to face with loss, or change, or pain - that we wonder...is this reality? Am I really here, still breathing? Or am I just a spectator of some play on some stage? Is this not reality?


No. No, it's not. I know I haven't lived all that many years yet, but the more I do live, the more the Lord keep embedding that realization in my mind. Life is but a vapor (James 4:14). There is no real substance to it. It appears...and it's gone. It is, in so many ways, similar to a dream. The classic last words of people who have been married for 50 or 60 years - "It went by in a hurry..." And what we can remember, we remember only fragments of...like 15-second clips from a movie. And we have to wonder...was all of that real? Have I really been here for as many years as they tell me I have been? And if this living and breathing and ceasing to breath isn't the real thing, then what is?


Reality is the Kingdom. Reality is here, but reality is also There (Matt 16:19). Reality is here because we are learning, being molded. But all the while, our spirits groan (2Cor 5:2). When we lose someone dear to us, our spirits groan. When we see the clock ticking and we cannot stop it, our spirits groan. When we are overwhelmed and tested and tired, our spirits groan. It is as if our souls cry out, "Can't we get to the real thing already?! I'm tired of this junk!"


We are not made for this earth (Phil 3:20), and our spirits bear witness to the fact. In my life, times when I am completely consumed by worshipping the Lord and being soaked in His Spirit are the times that I feel most alive - that I feel most real. My heart says, "Yes! I was made for this!" We were made to praise the Lord and abide with Him. This life - this shadow of reality - is where we learn that. And while we learn...we long. (Heb 11:15&16)


The beautiful thing is...the more we begin longing...the more we realize the reality that is waiting for us. And the more we begin looking towards that reality, the easier it is for us to press through this hazy life we have here. We can enjoy life more fully. Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is turbulence. But it makes it easier to embrace the seasons, embrace the change, and even embrace the loss - knowing that reality is what comes next.




"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it til now..." - The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis


"For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know, even as also I am known." - 1Cor 13:12




"The dream has ended: this is the morning."

Aslan, in The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis





-HK


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