.Loved Relentlessly.

Well, it’s taken me much longer this time around to sit down and write my third child’s birth story. I wonder why? Haha... These past almost-15-weeks have been filled to the brim with the antics of certain 4 and 2 year olds, changing lots and lots and lots (and lots) of dirty diapers, not very much sleep until recently, and so many sweet baby snuggles. It’s been both a challenge and a blessing to “go backwards”, as it were. We had kind of gotten past the baby stage and had enjoyed two whole years of both of our kids sleeping through the night in their own rooms (!!). So this transition has been sweet, fun, hard, exhausting, crazy, and all kinds of other adjectives my brain can’t think of right now. :) Sunday, October 15 was David’s due date. We went to church that morning and I started having contractions during the service...not painful ones, but enough to get my attention. They continued through lunch, so Dan and I decided we should go get checked out before leav...

Well, we made it.   Again .  David was born on October 17, and here we are on January 27.  We have officially survived The Fourth Trimester* for a third time. On this side of it I am both extremely relieved and a bit sad.  The first few months of my babies' lives have never been my favorite, as anyone who knows me has heard me talk about.  But overall David has been the ideal newborn...so to see his first 3 months pass so quickly has been bittersweet.  Or maybe it's that the third time around you really do realize that it goes so stinking' fast . Am I thankful for lots of good sleep lately?  For sure.  Did I cry as I packed away the 0-3 month clothes?  Also for sure. Anyway...here are some things I journaled during the first three months to pass along to any mama who finds herself also living through the Fourth Trimester with 3-under-5.  It's a little intense, a little scary, a little fun, and a whole lot of beautiful. #1 - ...

I liked my life BC.  That's Before Children .   Actually, I probably loved it.  I was creative and adventurous and bold, the first to share an original song or repel down the side of a mountain or enter a political debate.  Actually, I was probably prideful.  But goodness, it was fun.  And most days I felt like I had a really good handle on my life, my plans, and the direction things were headed.  Oh, I loved the Lord.  I worshiped and wrote and prayed and talked a lot.  I married a fantastic man and we dreamed big dreams of what "we would do for the Kingdom", how we would create and conquer. Then I had a baby.  Two babies.  Two beautiful, energetic, personable boys who make me laugh and sigh and cry.  Two boys who have taken it all...  My love.  My time.  My focus.  My heart.  My energy.  My budget.  And lately, I don't feel creative or adventurous or bold. Lately, my knuckles are white. ...

This afternoon I was surfing Facebook...you know, when you start following links from your newsfeed, to a friend's wall, to their friend's wall, to their friend's wall...and suddenly you're somewhere looking at pictures of people you don't even know, because you found something interesting. (At least, I hope I'm not the only one who does this...haha...) I was looking at some cute photography ideas with kids, and a comment on an adorable shot of a little girl caught my attention. It said something like this - "She's sooo cute...she would be a gorgeous model when she grows up. Too bad her doctor said she will only turn out to be about 5 feet tall. Oh, well." The genuine anger that filled my chest...I can't even explain it - anger that someone would have the gall to insult a masterpiece, created and stitched together by the hands of God Himself. Our value is not defined by the height we achieve, or your chest size, or your waist m...

In November when the wind is red, and the leaves are cold, I feel old. I jotted those lines down today, stopped at an intersection in town.  I have felt that feeling before, but this is the first November that I've been able to put a name to it.  The name is, simply,  old .  I feel aged in November, as if, really, underneath this quarter century of experience there should really be three quarters.  Because I know what's coming.  I know that this turning of seasons in the natural is also a spiritual metaphor.  We are all turning.  Aging.  Changing.  Shifting. But the oldness makes me feel happier, somehow.  Not in some morbid way, but it makes me feel nearer to that which my spirit-man longs for.  Even as I rejoice in the coming spring of my baby's birth, I can't help but ache just a bit for my final autumn.  I feel old, in that I have begun to welcome the changing seasons.  I am not quite...

It's so funny to me how much can change in half of a year... The last blog post I wrote (and just now published) had to do with being a Health Food Nazi, or something or other.  Now, November 1, 2012 finds me being a Eat-Anything-That-Sounds-Appetizing-and-Is-Relatively-Healthy-For-Baby Nazi.  Haha...  Oh, the change time brings.  What felt important last April, now seems not quite so urgent. Our summer was so full of so many good things.  Summer camps at Peachtree kept me busy.  I enjoyed working with the kiddos for the second year in a row.  We did some hiking, kayaking, and cliff jumping on our mutual days off.  Sometime mid-August there were two lines on a pregnancy test... and, you know, we were a bit excited.  The very next week we left for a 7-day, much needed vacation, just the two of us, to Pensacola, FL.  Besides a bit of morning sickness making me feel woozy, we had a wonderful trip.  A week later, on August 31, we ...

As alot of my friends and family know, back in January I set out to be a Whole Foods Nazi.  (Ok, well, not quite...but I wanted to feed us better...)  Since then, my husband has watched as I have poured white sugar into the garbage can, choked down "Mean Green Juice", and almost cried over several whole wheat bread-baking flops.  We have certainly cheated, like with that horrible-for-you peach cobbler on the camping trip...or the hot fudge cake I just had to have at 9:00 at night...or eating out when my spring schedule was crazy.  But I think I can safely say that for the majority of the time we have eaten whole, real, like-God-made-them foods since the first of the year.  This has been even easier to continue since I've been out of school for the summer.  If I have learned one thing about feeding your husband/family real food, it's that you have to spend time at home to do it...at least, to do it without wanting to scream because you have to wa...

Once again, time has slipped away since my last blog post.  Days have begun to blur together recently, as the end of the year approaches for Peachtree.  Songs are being learned, a script is being written, all that has been taught and received in the last two semesters is almost ready to culminate in an end-of-year program and performance.  The process...and laboring...will produce a product.  It's beautiful, really. This year has taught me much...and I thought I was the teacher.  So funny, the notion that any of us are really teachers.  We are all the taught , we are all the learning, we are all the growing.  Standing in front of a classroom of children, something comes out of one of their mouths and a revelation of the Kingdom that I've never heard before breaks my heart with its reality.  Once again I realize how much I have left to learn, and because of this I love the title of "teacher".  I love the daily opportunity to be taught. ...

I was shocked to see the date of my last post - November 3 - when I logged into my Blogger account just now. It's crazy what the holidays will do to you... the chaos seems to put quite a limit on time spent reflecting, at least for me. It's been a very full 4 months for Dan and I. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we enjoyed spending time with my extended family, as well as traveling to Utah for 10 days in December. While there we met our little nephew, Aaden, for the first time. He is quite the charmer. His Aunt Hannah was in her element, having a baby to hold and play with...and Uncle Dan thought he was pretty awesome, too. Hehe... We came back to Tennessee right before New Year's, and celebrated Christmas with my side of the family. My Mom blessed all 3 of her older children and their spouses with very special "Marriage Quilts"... quilts she had made herself to symbolize our individual marriages, which she spent many hours praying over as she wor...

Wow...I haven't posted in a while. Life has been slightly full this fall season. I have enjoyed a quiet morning at home this morning. The rainy weather changed my plans...for the better, I think. Dan is off today, and in the midst of folding laundry, and washing dishes, and writing in my journal, I have heard the steady beat of his hammer from the garage as he builds and creates. I love the feeling - the sounds, the smells, the little realities - of just being home - and being home together. October was an absolutely glorious month. When I think back on September and October 2011 someday, I hope I can remember all the picture-perfect days in a row. And so much color! Deeps reds and vibrant yellows and the most delicious orange. Fall has not been a going to sleep here this year...it has been a coming awake . Delightful. We took a family camping trip to Dale Hollow two weeks ago, on mine and Dan's birthday weekend. A little chilly at night, but the days were fine , in the full...

Every window in my house is open today. Even with the buzz of traffic on Jefferson Avenue out front, I love it. For over an hour this morning I could be found out in my back yard, soaking myself in the September breeze and the Word of God. It is a balm to the soul...all that which is God-breathed. The Word. The wind. Creation. A couple of years ago, I remember walking to the mailbox at the office where I worked. It was late February. A touch of warmth mixed in with the chill in the air, and I heard Him whisper... Spring is coming. I remember drinking in the revelation in the deep parts of my heart that what He promises, He gives. He has been faithful to a thousand generations, and when He says spring is coming, it comes. The cold ebbs away to make room for the warmth. Growth begins. New life happens. I remember this, and I think of the two year olds, in my class at school...twirling, moving, wiggling, singing, discovering. Spring. And then I think of the sharp, brutal reality of death....

Married musicians + a small house = a room of wall-to-wall instruments, music literature, binders full of lyrics. There will probably come a day when we move from our lovely little Jefferson Avenue abode and have more room to spread out our musical paraphernalia , but for now it makes me happy to stack the binders, and move the guitars to get to the bookshelves. The house where music dwells is a glad one. The Lord has been pouring out music in our house lately like never before. My soul leaps at the thought of singing with Dan in our living room or our little office, because I know the Lord is going to meet us there. Songs He brings, revelation He gives...worship in the home with whoever happens to be there is a powerful thing. And it should be the rule, not the exception. It's so very easy to be distracted by the mundane and forget that there is a Lover who longs for our attention, Who longs to spend time with us. In the rush of schedules and traffic and lunch dates and meetin...

I know we've only been married for one year...and 3 hours... but already we have learned so many lessons - honestly, more lessons that we ever saw coming. Many people have told us, "The first year is the hardest! After that it just gets better." We are trusting that every day with the Lord going before us will only be better than the day before. I am by no means claiming to have perfected the technique of marriage - because there is no technique. I do, however, want to offer some thoughts on lessons we've learned in these first 12 months to others who may be brand-newly married, engaged to be married, or looking forward to marriage someday in the future. Praise God for His new mercies every morning, and for His grace daily poured out. Dan does not complete me. Before you gasp, let me clarify. Marriage is not the prescription for a completed life. Your spouse cannot and does not fulfill every deepest longing of your heart. I promise, after a couple months of living ...

Pre -serve: to keep alive or in existence; make lasting. One of the most rewarding experiences I've had this summer is learning to can. Thanks to the advice of my Mom and numerous Internet articles, we have different kinds of jam, salsa made from our garden-grown tomatoes, canned peaches, and soon to be spaghetti sauce in our pantry. It's a simultaneously simple yet lengthy process to preserve food. There are steps to be taken to ensure the safety of things, and steps to ensure the taste. My list-making, task-oriented personality loves it. But after peeling and coring a certain amount of tomatoes, your feet do hurt and your hands do get tired. As cliche as it may sound, the Lord started speaking to me in my kitchen today about how our lives here, in this habitat that is not Home, resemble a preserving process. We are grown, we are matured, we are seen by the King and brought into the Kingdom with intention and with tenderness. We are prepared. We are d...

This song speaks to what marriage...family...deep friendship...what these relationships truly are. Our first year of marriage has had its share of ups and downs. We have experienced a myriad of emotions in the last twelve months, and I trust there are only more to come. But God is faithful, He is trustworthy... And when the shadows roll in and the enemy throws doubt and anxiety and worry and fear our way, I am so thankful for a husband who does not throw in the towel and run, but instead says to me... I want to live through this with you. What a precious gift is unconditional love. -HK

Happiness is...mastering the mocha at home. For some...this is a small thing. For me (an admitting coffee-house junkie) it is a long-sought destination. I like *strong* candy coffee - girly coffee with a kick - that has bold espresso flavor, with a good amount of the sweet stuff, too. So for my taste buds, this victory today was cause for much celebration. Here's the recipe I used, for anyone interested. I tweaked a few different recipes I found online, and what I ended up with tastes comparable to Starbucks - better, actually, considering that I still have an extra $4 in my pocket... - Prepare strong coffee (preferably espresso shots in an espresso machine or french pressed...but you can also do a small pot of STRONG espresso roast, drip style. The stronger, the better...) - While coffee is brewing, in a saucepan, combine 1 tsp cocoa, 2 tsp sugar, 1/2 tsp vanilla, and a pinch of salt. Stir together - do NOT heat, yet. - Microwave 1/4 cup water until boiling (about 1 minute). Pour ...

This song (click "This song" to go to the Youtube video) ministers to my heart so much... simply the words to Psalm 23 and prophetic worship birthed from it... but listening to it and receiving it, I realized today what it is to speak that passage over myself, over my family, over my life. I have had Psalm 23:1-6 memorized since I was probably 5, but it is not just poetic, soothing words. It is a powerful declaration, and in believing it we are believing against so many of the enemy's lies. The Lord is my Shepherd... I will believe that God, the Creator of the universe, takes time to lead me. He comes calling for me, caring about where I am and where I will go from here. He leads me intentionally, diligently. ...I shall not be in want... God is my provider... He has given me everything I could ever need when He gave me salvation in Jesus Christ - He has put the fullness of Himself inside of me. I shall not be in want of anything ! He makes me lie down in green pastures...

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I last wrote. This summer is flying by... For Dan and I it has been full of more projects around the house and garage, me planning for the school year at Peachtree , and trying to find time for the soul-energizing activities that we moved to Tennessee for. We have loved our chances for a few afternoon wadings in the creek on my parents property, and we have been finding more time to dive into our common passion for worship. It is such a joy to have a spouse whose heart resonates with the yearnings and loves of your own. Truly. I have been trying to be more intentional in planning our meals this summer. I finally understand the responsibility my mom has always felt for feeding our family as I was growing up. There is such a call in my heart lately to feed my husband well, and any children that may be in the Lord's plan. So recently I have been baking whole wheat bread, and trying to veer away from processed junk food. Chicken s...

Just rambling today, and wanted to share... There is something so glorious about a heart being given full permission to jump headlong into its God-breathed passions. In the last few weeks of my life I have felt that permission more than ever before. Whether it's tending to my very own garden, or starting to once again play piano on a daily basis, or teaching music classes, or being part of an "organized" worship group...my heart is waking up in so many ways. One of my favorite songwriters, Jonathan David Helser, used these words in one of his songs - I will live out the dreams You have placed in me / shout down the walls of fear! There is something so powerful in standing up to the enemy and saying, "I am doing this because God created me to do it - and by golly, there's no stopping me now!" Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. - Prov 13:12

There are times in ones life when your heart is at an absolute loss. It's not that you can't find the words to express your feelings - but there are truly no words . If you are in a supporting role during those times, then you know the feeling. Anything that could be said - "I'm so sorry" - "God loves you" - "God is in control" - "It will all be ok " - it all sounds so trite. And then...if you are the one in the middle of that gray field of pain...then you know that smothering, flailing feeling of simply not comprehending how it all got to this point. How did time pass so quickly? Why do things have to change? Why has everything that was once so alive and breathing come to an abrupt halt? It is in those moments - when we are face to face with loss, or change, or pain - that we wonder...is this reality? Am I really here, still breathing? Or am I just a spectator of some play on some stage? Is this not reality? No. No, it's not. I k...